“How to Comfort a Pregnant Woman” originally appeared on Fatherly and was reprinted with permission.
You love your wife, right? You’d do anything for her? Good. Now move that statement from the future tense to the present, because there’s probably no better time for you to actually be doing all that stuff than right the hell now.
And if you’re thinking, “Why do I need to be reminded about common sense things like being nice to my wife when she’s pregnant?” the answer is: When was the last time you bought her flowers or told her she’s beautiful?
That’s why.
Comforting a pregnant woman isn’t rocket science. You need to acknowledge who’s doing the heavy lifting here, and there are a few simple guidelines to remember when doing so.
Empathize
You can’t walk a mile in her swollen feet, but you can show her that you really, really want to by doing a few things every pregnant woman wants. In addition to those flowers and beauty compliments, these things include:
- being as excited as she is
- withholding judgment
- encouraging her to sit down or take a nap (and not to feel selfish about it)
- accompanying her to the OB-GYN
- giving her a good night’s rest or some alone time
Also, straight up ask what she needs, even if you think you know. Especially if you think you know.
This classic Esquire piece “10 Ways to Signal Your Love” is written for guys in an earlier relationship phase than you, but it’s totally applicable. In fact, it may be more so in your situation. Again, compliments, but also things like being decisive, making small, personal gestures, showing appreciation for the simplest of things, giving gifts (more on that in a minute), and preparing a home-cooked meal. There are also a couple of sexual terms in there that aren’t actually sexual in this context, which is sort of fun, so go read that.
Actions speak louder, so shut your mouth
As you step up your compliment game, you may find other things spilling out of your mouth that really shouldn’t. When talking to your pregnant wife, it’s important to remember that she’s hungry and exhausted, can’t drink, can barely walk, is super body conscious, and is simultaneously experiencing all the emotions. Any comments that suggest otherwise are unwelcome and grounds for punishment. So if she wants to talk about the same names or nursery colors or baby books repeatedly, just go with it, and refrain from saying any of these things (handy gifs included!).
Everyone loves a thoughtful gift. Sure, the “push present” was clearly concocted by the jewelry industry like “Valentine’s Day” or “Your Anniversary,” but the least she deserves for carrying your child and enduring months of untold pain and discomfort is something shiny. Here’s a handy cheat sheet of appropriate options categorized according to names, dates, birthstones, or pure, gooey sentiment.
Once you’ve got that squared away (or centered, or princessed — get it?) start studying up for the next big milestone. Her first Mother’s Day will be here before you know it.
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