After four years, multiple IVF cycles, three devastating miscarriages, and countless setbacks … Aela’s road to motherhood has been anything but easy. Follow her story on Babble and don’t miss the latest chapter in her journey below.
***
With a fertility journey as long and as littered with heartbreak as mine has been, it’s easy to crawl into a dark hole and feel as though nothing goes right. I often speak of and write about that darkness, mostly to get it out of me but to also let other women know they are not alone — or crazy — for feeling the way that they do.
As Thanksgiving approaches, gratitude and thanks are thrown your way from every direction: cute memes, the 30-day gratitude challenge, and, of course, the impending “what you’re thankful for” go-around at the Thanksgiving table. This season has me thinking about what I have to be grateful for, in spite of a four-year battle with infertility and multiple miscarriages, and with an unusual realization of some goodness that’s come directly because of this journey.
I am thankful for my marriage.
My marriage has certainly taken a hit from this fertility struggle, but when I really stop to look at it, it’s incredible to realize that we’ve not only survived some of the worst heartbreak together, but our relationship has been strengthened by the struggle. Knowing that in this sea of uncertainty and doubt, I can be secure in and with my marriage.
I am thankful for my career.
I’m not entirely sure how I always luck out with these great jobs — and I don’t just mean the actual work itself. When I started this fertility journey nearly four years ago, I had the most amazing set of coworkers and a boss who couldn’t have been more understanding and supportive of my road. When it was time for me to move to another state, I managed to land in an office, again, with a staff and a boss who do their part in making this journey less stressful on the work front. Additionally, both jobs have included insurance coverage for my treatments. That in itself, is something I am beyond grateful for.
I am thankful for my wife’s career.
While certain aspects of my life might be a little “stuck” right now, one thing I am abundantly thankful for is the success of my wife’s business and the joy that it brings her. Not everyone gets to do what they love for a living, and it’s a special blessing when it happens. Her excitement for her work, how she cares for her athletes, the way she’s always striving to be the most kick-ass coach, it’s a beautiful thing to witness. And it fills my heart to know she’s living her professional dream. As a woman struggling with infertility, it’s always hard to hear that “everything happens for a reason,” or that it’ll happen “when the time is right,” but I think of these words when I think of my wife’s business — because we never would have taken the leap to become business owners had we been busy raising newborn twins.
I am thankful for my writing.
Being able to share this story on Babble and make connections with women all over the globe has also been a serious life saver for me throughout this journey. I’ve said it before, and I’ll likely continue to say it: I don’t know how I would get through any of this without having the outlet of blogging and the support system that comes from readers. And since my story has quite a few “themes” running through it — infertility, multiple miscarriage, gay family planning, and a lesbian marriage — the people I’ve heard from encompass so much diversity in their interest in my story. I’m also really proud to be able to add a gay voice to the mostly straight industry of parenting bloggers.
I am thankful for my home.
I try not to lose focus on the fact that I live in seriously one of the most beautiful places. I remember the first summer after I moved to Martha’s Vineyard, I was swimming — floating, actually — in the ocean on a perfectly gorgeous day, looking at the multicolored clay cliffs on the beach, and thinking, “If I’m forced to deal with this struggle, what a blessing to be surrounded by such beauty during it all.” I bobbed in the water for awhile, and I recall that glorious day when I’m feeling exceptionally low. I also make a point to get outside and enjoy the beauty of the island whenever this struggle begins to get the best of me. It always helps, and it’s something I don’t take for granted. I also try to remember that we had the opportunity to land on Martha’s Vineyard because we didn’t yet have children. We never would have made the move if our twins had been born.
I am thankful for my friends and family.
I have the BEST family and friends, all of whom have been so, so supportive during these years. From my in-their-90s grandmother and grandfather, who are always checking in on me to see how things are going, to my nearly 90-year-old mémère, sending my wife and I loving texts, to my brothers and parents and cousins who speak openly with me about this struggle — even when the conversations aren’t easy — to friends who never know what exactly to say but who continue to show up and just love me, I’ve got a topnotch group of family and friends who love me through all the mess.
It might sound so cliché, but focusing on the good really does help lift my spirits. My Thanksgiving wish is that you, too, can dig deep and find your gratitude during the dark times on this road to motherhood.
The post I’ve Spent Years Trying to Get Pregnant, but I Still Have a Lot to Be Thankful For appeared first on Babble.