“You Must Hope It’s a Girl!”

There are a thousand scenarios in life in which people, strangers mostly, chime in with the most unwanted and unsolicited opinions. None of those times are as great (and inappropriate) as during pregnancy.

At least I knew to expect it, though.

What I didn’t expect, however, were the judgments and reactions I would get from deciding not to find out whether I was having a boy or a girl.

The most glaring of which was the time I got yelled at for saying I didn’t know my unborn baby’s gender. I was met with a lecture on how “gender” is taught and learned, while “sex” is how you’re born. I’m still terrified of using the terms incorrectly, and to this day, still try to rework my sentence to say “boy” or “girl” instead of “sex” or “gender.”

Then of course there’s the infamous question, “Oh, I bet you’re having a girl, don’t you?”

All of this simply because I currently have a boy. I don’t understand. I have a boy, so I shouldn’t want another one? Or I should be longing for a different experience? Or is it because I’m a girl, I should want a girl? Or, most likely, because I have a boy, I should then want a girl so I can be “done.” For some reason, many are obsessed with the idea that you can’t be done creating your family until you have both a girl and a boy, and if you don’t, you keep trying. (That’s how people end up with four boys, right?)

Another all-time favorite of mine is, “How are you going to plan?!”

Well, last time I checked, you could plan for everything about the arrival of a new baby exactly the same, regardless of whether it’s a boy or a girl. (See look, there I go avoiding the use of the word “gender” or “sex.”) The only difference I can ascertain is color selection and clothing type. But regardless of the sex of my child, I’d pick a nursery color and design that’s more gender-neutral than not, and I’m not a fan of pink or purple so I wouldn’t be buying clothes those colors either. As for dresses and bows and bowties, surely those things can wait until the day after the baby is born.

When this question comes from family and friends, I’m slightly more lenient in my understanding given my Type-A planning tendencies in absolutely all other facets of life. Even I don’t understand my complete comfort with not knowing this supposedly vital piece of information.

To top it all off, the worst has simply been the insinuation that I’m going to be a horrible mom because I don’t care enough to even find out this important fact about my unborn child. To be honest, this one stung a little bit the first time around when I hadn’t yet built up my indomitable mommy shield of armor, but this time it just slides off my back as I laugh a little on the inside about how absurd this connection is.

Then there are some of the friendlier inquisitions, like, “Are you sure you don’t know and just aren’t telling me?” (Nope, pinky swear.) Though not opposed to finding out and not telling anybody, it still leaves me without the satisfaction of the surprise at the end of the road after such a long wait. And that’s, ultimately, why I’m not finding out.

What odd reactions have you gotten to not finding out if your baby is a boy or a girl?