How to Make It Awkward When Hugging a Pregnant Woman

There’s something about being around a pregnant woman that makes people do and say weird things they wouldn’t otherwise. Okay, they probably would do it otherwise, but our huge baby bellies give them the perfect excuse to be total uninhibited weirdos.

When I was pregnant, a guy friend put his hand on my stomach and said, “Hey, I can grip it like a basketball!” My friend Sara had an acquaintance lean down and try to kiss her belly. She would have been successful if Sara hadn’t side swiped and ran.

Everyone’s susceptible to it, even me! One time when I was trying to get my friend’s attention, I knocked on her stomach like it was her front door. But in my defense, my message was urgent and her belly was the closest thing to me.

Really, when it comes down to it, being around a pregnant woman just leaves the door open for a plethora of the awkward possibilities — especially if you’re hugging her.

Like some of these:

1. “I feel like your baby is coming between us already.”

While anatomically true, your insecurity is showing.

2. “Is that a baby in your belly or are you just happy to see me?”

On second thought, this one’s actually pretty funny. I say go for it.

3. “I’m just going to put my hand here until she kicks — for as long it takes. *prolonged eye contact* Okay?”

No, it’s not okay — and why are your hands so balmy?

4. “Is that your baby’s foot?! Oh wait, that’s your belly button. Sorry.”

Pregnant women don’t want to be reminded how gross their new outie belly button is.

5. “What’s that fragrance you’re wearing? It smells like Tums and cocoa butter.”

It’s safe to just assume she’s lathered in cocoa butter trying to ward off stretch marks like garlic to a vampire and chomping down Tums like popcorn — at all times. There’s no need to ask.

6. “I think there’s a piece of steamed broccoli in your cleavage…?”

The answer is yes. Always yes. And it wasn’t steamed until it became lost in her boobs all day. Still — avoid. She’s already wearing pee pads, let’s not add to her embarrassment.

7. “Yeah, this isn’t gonna work. You’re either huge or I have T-Rex arms. Shake hands?”

Rude. But I would admire your honesty.

8. “Who tooted?”

She did.

9. “Your body feels so warm. Or did you accidentally pee your pants again?”

Both.

10. “Your feet look swollen. Would you be more comfortable hugging lying down?”

She would, but she’d rather not. Wrap the hug up standing and move on.

Okay, maybe the awkwardness of these examples is a little extreme, but I’m willing to bet many readers have experienced something oddly similar during their pregnancies. Why? Because some people are just idiots.

Feel free to share the most awkward thing said to you while pregnant (bonus points if it was during a hug), so we can commiserate together!

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